i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You're a waste of cheezeits
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
