My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
