She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I know her cup size but not her name....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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