maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
