you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
