just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
