I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
