She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
