I'm sorry my penis didn't work
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
