A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
