Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
