a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
