All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
