your room smells of hookers.
And success
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
