so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
