dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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