I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Found your dick twin last night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
