I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Randomize
