I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
