I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
