I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
