I just saw a hot homeless man
My brain says no but my pants say off.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This is my gift to your gina
I just want nice things and good sex
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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