your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you will always have a special place in my vag
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
