He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
NoShamevember. You game?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
