Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
They have beer where we have blood.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
