I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
