As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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