gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
