you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
