Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
