you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
