My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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