we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
