You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
