My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
