I didn't shave. On purpose
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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