Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
