if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
