I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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