Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
