??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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