I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
