so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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