wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
