sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
