I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
