I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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