I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
