hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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