I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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