Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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