she was so not down for the gang bang
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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