I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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